Rock the Jig

After making it back to my pre-pregnancy weight, fitting into the pre pregnancy clothing (the ones I gave away because I was sure I’d never be that size again) I thought I was in the clear. You know…from that pesky little thing…working out.

Look y’all, I am not one of those gals that likes to lace up the running shoes, sweat into my already allergy irritated contacts, and push myself to the point of feeling like there are 14 toddlers playing hopscotch on my aorta. Plus, me running? Not cute. Not cute at all.

You will not find a “motivation” or “fitness” board on my Pinterest. You won’t see me recording my latest run times or posting pics of my 5k victories.

But, alas, a girl can only rock the jiggle so long. And supposedly it only gets jigglier. Because that’s fair.

Which brings me to this announcement: Ladies and gentlemen of the interwebs, tomorrow I shall attend my first workout class since my stretch marked arse was wearing little rah-rah bloomers.

It’s shocking, I know. And probably not near as exciting for you as it is for me. Wait, actually I’m not excited at all. I think I’m nervous!

Do I even own any running shoes?

Scratch that, do I even own any shoes with laces?!

Shorts or leggings? Sports bra or? Definitely sports bra. And leggings.

Headband. I need a headband!

How many crunches will I have to do? Must start practicing now how to pause when the teacher isn’t looking.

Will my kid behave? (It’s a stroller class where babes come along)

Will she cry in fear when she sees me whimpering like a beat up dog?

I will not throw up. I will not throw up. I will not throw up.

And most importantly (because we are all honest here)…dear God PLEASE don’t let me pee on myself!

If you’ve never had a baby, then just disregard that last comment. You wouldn’t understand and trust me, you don’t want to. Having babies is great. You should do it. (muahahaha)

So, there it is folks. Now I HAVE to go tomorrow, right? Since I told you? …why am I doing this to myself…

If you happen to be at North East mall tomorrow morning before the doors open and  hear  what sounds like groaning and gnashing of teeth, pay no mind.

I’ll update y’all tomorrow. If I make it out alive. And dry.